Hi Five Movies

Top 5 worst christmas movies of all time

2009-12-25T01:02:00.003Z

My sister has showed us all the very best christmas movies have to offer. I however, am a much grumpier person than she, and prefer to be negative. So here, I will explore the very worst films made about christmas and christmastime (there is one film on both lists, cos she made a bad choice).

5. Jack Frost

Michael Keaton, as a mediocre singer person who neglects his kid, dies in a car crash on Christmas Eve. And thats not the even the least cheery opening in this list. Anyway, Keaton's character had mean parents who named him Jack Frost (seriously, that has to be child abuse), is reincarnated a year later as his son Charlie's snowman. He attempts to make up for lost time with Charlie, which brings with it far too much slushy sentiment crap.
However, he also has to contend with the whole melting thing. "OK, I'm back, but why a snowman?" Keaton asks. "Is it the name Jack Frost? Because that's not even clever, that's cheesy."
Saying its cheesy doesn't make it less so mister writer man.

4. The Grinch

It's bright, ugly, and as far as I can tell has very little to do with the book. The book was too short for them to make a film of, so they created an origin story for him, like he was some kind of green hairy superhero. The colours the film uses are so bright, it should probably come with a pair of sunglasses. The biggest problem in the film though is Jim Carey. The man can be fantastic (Truman Show, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind), but this is him at his over the top, acting stupid, worst.

3. Love Actually

I assume the reason my sister likes and I hate this movie may have something to do with target audiences. Romantic Comedies, for the most part have the same story, Couple meets in odd circumstances, slowly fall for each other, there is a misunderstanding and they argue, one is going to leave, they other chases them, and then everyone is happy again. Love Actually breaks this trend, and has that story in it around 14 times. 14 different stories in one film and no surprises, does not make a movie I will enjoy.

2. The Santa Clause

The most important event in The Santa Clause is that Tim Allen kills santa. Merry Christmas everyone, santas dead. Then, as the person who found santa (and killed him) he has to take over santas place. The film follows him trying to live life as both santa and a normal office workery type person. To be fair, this film isn't truly terrible, but it spawned The Santa Clause 2 and 3, the three of them together though is something horrible that should be avoided at all cost.

1. Jingle All The Way

This film is just awful. Arnie plays a workaholic dad whose forgotten to buy the years big toy (some action figure type thing) for his son, and so rushes around on Christmas eve desperate to find one. During his misadventure, he bumps into a mental postman who he competes with throughout the film to get the last Turbo Man figure thing.
Jingle all the way is be dull and stupid and irritating, and has to be a contender for worst film ever made. It only had one idea, and used it again and again and again (the postman and arnie put each other off so much the last in a store gets sold to someone else and they move on). I think its meant to be a comedy, but I would hesitate on that, cos whoever wrote it clearly forgot to add the funny to it.

Johns honourable mention

I have read that this film is the worst christmas movie ever made, but have never seen it. However, just look at the poster, there is no way this film is anything other than fully and truly amazing. It has a giant robot named 'Torg'

Top 5 Christmas Movies

2009-12-24T10:40:00.011Z

Christmas is a great time for movies and (in the UK at least) they dominate much of the seasonal viewing schedule. In this list I'm picking my 5 favourite christmas-themed movies and explaining why they'll fill you with christmas cheer. I'm also sharing my favourite scene from each one in the form of youtube clips. So without further ado, here's my top 5 yuletide flicks!

5. A Christmas Story
9-year-old Ralphie Parker's highly relatable childhood quest to get a Red Ryder BB gun has classic moments from beginning to end - from the pink bunny costume to the tongue stuck on the lamppost to the immortal line, "You'll shoot your eye out, kid!" It's a very fun, memorable and christmassy film.

Great moment:
Ralphie visits Santa.

4. It's a Wonderful Life
A film about suicide - merry christmas everyone! You can see why folks didn't all flock to see it in 1946, but since then it's become a christmas classic and many ritually watch it every year. If you haven't watched it before, then you really should make this the year you finally do.

And if you have seen it before but you're a bit short on movie-watching time this holiday season, check out this abridged version:

Not often you get a full movie on this blog is it?

3. Die Hard
Once you're old enough, it seems like it's not quite christmas unless there's Bruce Willis fighting terrorists. Die Hard 2 is also a great christmas movie, but I've chosen the original for having one of the greatest villains of all time: Alan Rickman is flawless!

Great Moment:
There's too many, here's the original trailer so you can enjoy several -

2. Love Actually

Okay, it's a rom-com, but there's so many stories going on at once that it's unpredictable enough to keep you entertained throughout whether you like rom-coms or not. It's hilarious, heart-breaking in places, and worth watching on the basis of Bill Nighy's performance alone (he plays Billy Mack, the bad grandad of rock and roll who releases an awful bid for the christmas number one). Forget what you know about Hugh Grant movies and give this one a go if you haven't already!

Great Moment:
For some reason, you can't embed youtube clips from love actually.
But if you'd like to see my one of my favourite scenes - Click here (will open in a new window)

1. The Muppet's Christmas Carol
I know many won't agree with my choice. It's highly possible that I'm biased, since I was the perfect age (7) when this film was released, but for me nothing spreads christmas cheer like a muppet. It's goofy and hilarious throughout but it treats the original story with respect, and much of Scrooge's dialogue matches the novel. Michael Caine isn't the scariest of Scrooges, but this is a muppet film after all, and he's very enjoyable to watch nonetheless. What still wins me over about this film 17 years later is the songs. Once you hear Kermit the frog singing "One more sleep till Christmas," you'll never feel like saying "Bah Humbug" again!

Great Moment:

Honourable mention:

One DVD I can't live without at this time of year is my Raymond Briggs' Snowman/Father Christmas box set. I didn't include them in the list because they're just short movies, but they are both timeless christmas classics.

If you do decide to buy this though, whatever you do, make sure you get the original British version of Father Christmas voiced by Mel Smith. When translated for American audiences, the jokes of Father Christmas simply do not work.

So there's my Christmas recommendations!
My brother should be along soon to cover the worst Christmas movies, and I'll be back next week with my top 5 movies of 2009. In the mean time,

Happy Holidays!

Top 5 most badass Disney villains

2009-12-02T19:55:00.003Z

Let's get things straight. There are some really classic disney villains who are as funny as they are mean; Jaffar and Captain Hook are two of my all time favourite villains, but they don't make the cut here. Why? Because neither of them manage to really hurt anyone, and they both fail to kill protagonists who are far younger and weaker than them.

So without further ado, let's take a look at some Disney nasties who came a bit closer to getting the job done. (Warning: I do talk about how some of the villains die, so if there's a movie on the list you don't want to know a spoiler for, just scroll past it.)

5. Ursula (The Little Mermaid)

She seems to prefer turning her victims into sea cucumbers rather than killing them, but Ursula's powers of manipulation earn her a spot on the list. Well, that and the fact she's pretty well an octopus. Did you know octopi are strong enough to snap the spines of sharks? Anyway, Ursula is a good enough villain that she actually succeeds in getting what she wants. That is until she gets so distracted doing her evil victory laugh that she doesn't notice the Prince coming to impale her with a boat. Classic rookie mistake there!

Extra nasty points: When Ursula strikes the deal to turn Ariel into a human, it makes sense for the transformation to take place near the surface of the water. But instead Ursula makes it happen right there in her cave, so Ariel barely has enough time to make it to air and nearly drowns. So mean!

4. Scar (The Lion King)

Scar remorselessly kills the King, who also happens to be his brother. Very very very few disney villains get away with an on-screen kill, and what's more, he convinces his adorable baby nephew that it's his fault and sends him into exile. Truly nasty!

Extra Nasty Points: for having a former Die Hard villain do his voice. Jeremy Irons is amaaaazing.

3. Maleficent (Sleeping Beauty)

The plot to Sleeping Beauty is this: Maleficent doesn't get invited to newborn Princess Aurora's christening, so she decides that the princess must die. Overreaction much? But she doesn't decide that the princess should die immediately, oh no. She decides that the Princess should die when she's sixteen, you know, after everyone's gotten really attatched to her.

Maleficent may not actually succeed in killing anyone in the end, but she definitely causes a lot of misery. The King and Queen spend 16 years worrying about their daughter and Princess Aurora has to grow up in exile never knowing who her parents are. That's a lot of years of misery! And did I mention that she can turn into a fire breathing dragon?

Extra nasty points:
This chick pretty well invented the evil laugh...

2. The Horned King (The Black Cauldron)

There's no funny side to this villain. He's a skeleton with antlers, his eyes can glow red, and did I mention he raises an army of the dead? He's so scary that it's hard to believe this is a disney movie at all. Unfortunately for the Horned King, he isn't as a clever as he is ugly. He makes the classic villain mistake of keeping the heroes alive as prisoners instead of finishing them off, and they foil him. In fact, his army barely make it out of his castle. Worse still, the black cauldron he just used to raise his army ends up destroying him. Oh dear.

Extra Nasty Points: Did I mention he's voiced by John Hurt?

1. Shan-yu (Mulan)

A death toll is something that's incredibly difficult to accomplish in a disney movie. The vast majority of villains don't manage to kill anything. The Hun leader Shan-yu destroys a village and a good chunk of China's army. Why? Because he feels that the emperor has challenged him to do so by building the Great Wall. He's so tough that when Mulan causes an avalanche to bury him, he just gets up and dusts himself off. And unlike The Horned King, Maleficent and Ursula, he does it all without the help of magic.

Extra Nasty Points: One of my favourite moments in the film is when his men take two imperial scouts prisoner. Shan-yu frees them and gives them a message to take back to the emperor. Then as they run away, he asks his archer, "How many men does it take to deliver a message?" The archer replies "One" and takes aim. While it's true that there's no on-screen death, just the implication of it is the stuff of Bond villains!

So there's my top five disney villains.
Go ahead and comment with your favourites, or if you think there's someone terribly badass who I've forgotten!

Top 5 most ridiculous movie endings

2009-11-28T01:09:00.007Z

A fantastic ending can turn a mediocre film into a great film (City of Angels being a good example). A bad ending can do the opposite. These are the movies with the endings that just don't make any sense. Not even nearly. This has to be one of the most irritating things a movie can do. I'm not sure even the guys who wrote and made these 5 could help me make sense of these.

Warning: I will, for very obvious reasons, be giving away the endings to all five of these movies.(Sorry for the wait by the way, had the flu and then bought a new video game).

5. A.I.

Small irritating robot boy is thrown out and left to look after himself. Winds up at the bottom of a lake, and like any good computer left alone for a while puts himself to sleep. Then some alien guys find him, and grant him one wish, dunno knows why, I guess they thought it was his birthday or something. He decides to spend time with the mother who threw him out, but the alien guys can only give him one day, cos thats how long their magic lasts or something.

To be fair, I hate this movie, completely and utterly, and couldn't stand going back to make sure I recalled it correctly, so if anyone wants to correct me and tell me what the hell was going on then I'm willing to be corrected.

4. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

I was willing to forgive this movie so much, and I enjoyed a great deal of it. It was a fun adventure, the problem was it was making less and less sense as it went on, and then we came to the ending. If you can't think of any thing else.... ALIENS. Alien crystal skull things that form to make one alien which sucks soviets into a portal and mentally fries Cate Blanchett using superior knowledge or something. Then a flying saucer appears, and just as quickly buggers off to the space between space, whatever that means.

3. Signs

Alien guys (I swear, no more aliens in the rest of the list... unless you count ape guys) have travelled thousands of light years in spaceships we can't detect (cloaked presumably), have successfully invaded earth, and ripped apart our society and stuffs, but they are completely flummoxed by locked doors. Also, if you're going to invade a planet, would it not be smart to do some research before. For instance, if you're violently allergic to water, for heaven sakes, don't invade somewhere that is made up of mostly water... it will not go well.

Planet of the apes (new version)

This one makes my head hurt. Mark Wahlburg gets away from the apes in 2029, and travels back to the the present. However, the head of the Lincoln memorial thing which instead has ape ruler dudes on it instead. Meaning he isn't back in the present but even more future? Or he is, but an alternate present in which apes took over much earlier and ape ruler was secretly a couple hundred years old or something?

Seriously, if anyone ever knew what the hell was happening with that ending I think the world might implode, and if I think about it too much my brain might.

1. Grease

Forget the randomly breaking out in song, I can forgive them that, it is a musical. Forget the fact that Olvia Newton-John went from being a soppy, ridiculously innocent girl. To a leather-clad tramp in 2 seconds flat, just to impress John Travolta, who (as we learnt in the first song of the film) already liked her, and they couldn't be together because of her lack of leather or something. Forget that, it gets more ridiculous (and I don't mean Grease 2... although if this the worst movies ever made), a now happy and together, thanks to the leather, Travlota and Newton-John get into Travolta's car which then takes off and they fly into the sunset.

A flying car, the car couldn't fly earlier. There is no line in 'Greased Lightning' which goes "By the way this car has an anti-grav generator installed so it could fly if the need ever arose". What makes the ending more ridiculous is that there is absolutely no need for it, they could have driven off into the sunset, on land, and retain just a little but of sense.

Next time you watch Grease, and the ending appears, just do what I do, and imagine the car breaking down just as they get to 10,000 feet, and then falling, much in the same way as the nazi car in the blues brothers.

Top Five most useful movies when playing six degrees

2009-11-24T14:45:00.002Z

Six degrees is, unsurprisingly, one of my favourite games to play in the car. What better way to show off what an incredible movie nerd you are? If you're unfamiliar with the game, the idea is to link one actor to another through film roles in six steps or less. Probably the most famous incarnation of the game is Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, but I prefer to go with two different actors each time, otherwise you end up constantly using the same Kevin Bacon movies.

So let's get down to it then! These are my top five most useful films for playing six degrees:

5. Be cool

John Travolta, Uma Thurman, Harvey Keitel, Vince Vaughn, The Rock, James Woods, André Benjamin, Cedric the Entertainer.

Terrible film. Excellent tool for six degrees. First of all you have a big hollywood A-lister in John Travolta, what's more, John Travolta has done quite a wide range of movies - from musicals to over the top action blockbusters. The same can be said for Uma Thurman, and she and Harvey Keitel link you to the majority of Quentin Tarantino's movies. Vince Vaughn takes you to a lot of big names in comedy films, as does Danny Devito. The Rock and James Woods are also useful links.

Extra obscure link: Need to get to Mike Myers? Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler has a speaking role as himself in both this film and Wayne's World 2. (Or really, you could pick any member of the band)

4. Ocean’s Thirteen

Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Matt Damon, Elliot Gould, Al Pacino, Don Cheadle, Bernie Mac, Eddie Izzard, Andy Garcia

If you need to use Catherine Zeta Jones, Julia Roberts, Bruce Willis, Robbie Coltraine or Albert Finney, go with Ocean's twelve. But Ocean's Thirteen has Al Pacino, and he's incredibly useful for linking back to classic movies that were made before I was born (The Godfather, scarface etc). Clooney, Pitt and Damon are in everything, I don't think there's much more I need to mention.

Extra Obscure Link: Need to get to Mel Brooks from here? He and Elliot Gould both appeared in The Muppet Movie in 1979.

3. Mystery Men

Ben Stiller, Janeane Garofalo, Hank Azaria, William H. Macy, Greg Kinnear, Geoffrey Rush, Eddie Izzard

Today it's kind of hard to believe that all of these people were in a film together, and that's what makes this film so useful. But if there's one thing you should take away from this list: never underestimate the power of Eddie Izzard. He isn't in a lot of movies, but through him you can get to Sean Connery, Tom Cruise, anyone from the Ocean's movies (as previously mentioned) and Kate Winslet, to name but a few.

Extra obscure link: Need to get to the highschool musical crowd? Corbin Bleu makes a very early film appearance in this flick.

2. Everyone Says I love You

Woody Allen, Edward Norton, Drew Barrymore, Natasha Lyonne, Alan Alda, Natalie Portman, Goldie Hawn, Julia Roberts, Billy Crudup, Tim Roth

Woody Allen has worked with a lot of big names, but this film has so many big names in it it's kind of unreal. What's especially helpful is that there's a big age range in the cast, while the older actors like Woody Allen, Alan Alda and Goldie Hawn can take you back to some older films, a pre-Starwars Natalie Portman can take you to.. well... Starwars, but other more recent films too. Not to mention all the chick-flicks you can reach between Drew Barrymore and Julia Roberts.

Extra Obscure Link: Need to get to Tim Curry? Natasha Lyonne and he both appeared in Scary Movie 2 in 2001. He also appeared in Charlie's Angels alongside Drew Barrymore.

1. Mars Attacks
Jack Nicholson, Glenn Close, Annette Benning, Pierce Brosnan, Danny DeVito, Martin Short, Sarah Jessica Parker, Michael J. Fox, Natalie Portman, Pam Grier, Jack Black

A Tim Burton film that doesn't have Johnny Depp or Helena Bonham Carter?! Surely you jest!

It's kind of amazing how many people Natalie Portman worked with before George Lucas found her, isn't it? Well Jack Nicholson, Glen Close and Annette Benning may not be around so much anymore, but they're still extremely useful for six degrees. Jack Black is a great link to a lot of recent comedy films, and Martin Short is a great link to a lot of not-so-recent ones. Add in chick-flick sweetheart Sarah Jessica Parker and former James Bond star Pierce Brosnan and you've got yourself quite a lineup.

Extra Obscure Link: Need to get to Patrick Stuart? Before Pierce Brosnan was Bond, he and Stewart both appeared in Death Train.

So there you have it! Happy playing!

Top 5 teen movies of the decade

2009-11-12T05:14:00.008Z

A few years ago I was a teenager. I happened to be one who really enjoyed teen movies, and well, that's not a habit I've grown out of quite yet. I want to do a top 5 list for the 80s and the 90s as well, but since there's only a few weeks left of this decade, I thought I'd better get cracking. Good teen movies need to make us laugh, remind us of our own highschool and upset the teenage social order (eg. by making a nerd become popular). So without further ado, lets break down the top 5 teen movies of the last ten years...

5. Mean Girls

Remember when Lindsay Lohan used to make movies? Here's one that wasn't bad. Cady Harrisson was home-schooled in Africa by her zoologist parents until she was 16, and the film follows her first year in an American highschool. The mean girls themselves are, oh my god, like, rather steretypical, but they're also pretty funny. I love how Cady observes the teenagers she meets the way her parents would observe wild animals.

Great moment:
SPOILER ALERT! When the meanest girl in school gets hit by the schooolbus. It's made even better by Cady's dark sense of humour when she announces "And that's how she died.... No, I'm totally kidding!" She had me for a sec!

4. Nick And Norah's Infinite Playlist

I'm a big fan of Kat Dennings. She's drop-dead gorgeous but at the same time looks like someone you may have actually gone to school with (as opposed to, well, take your pick of the mean girls). In this film she has an awkwardness about her that makes her seem so sweet and genuine. The film doesn't remind me much of my own teen years because I grew up in the middle of nowhere so I never got to spend a night chasing a band around New York City to find their secret gig, but that doesn't stop it being a really lovely movie.

Great moment: When Nick's gay bandmate manages to get Norah alone, he hands her a bra and convinces her to swap it for her sports bra, explaining that all their friends hate Nick's ex and think Norah may be the one. It gets an extra giggle from me when he assures her, "Nicks worth the underwire."

3. Superbad

When I first saw the trailer for this I thought it looked stupid and decided to skip it. But I somehow got dragged along, and I'm glad I did because this film made me laugh more than any film in a long time has. The teens on their quest for alcohol look and act like people I went to school with, but all realism is thrown out the window by the hilarious over the top performances from Seth Rogan and Bill Hader as the cops. Highly quotable, not one to watch with your parents though.

Great moment:
Fogell defends his choice of name for his fake ID (err... language warning).

2. Saved

Before there was Juno, there was Mary, and she had it a lot tougher. Mary is a born-again christian who has sex with her boyfriend to cure him of his homosexuality. The film follows her trying to keep the inevitable pregnancy secret from her fellow pupils at her born-again christian highschool and subsequently getting taken under the wing of the school's misfit characters and falling in love with the principal's son. The naiive innocence of the characters is incredibly endearing, and Saved is a very funny and very unique flick. Also, if we made a top 5 list for Macaulay Culkin movies, this would probably be number one.

Great Moment:
More or less everything that Mandy Moore says in this film makes me laugh, but my particular favourite is, "I crashed my van into Jesus, I have a pimple the size of Jupiter, I am not okay!"

1. Charlie Bartlett

The story of a rich teenager who wanted to be popular and achieved this by becoming the school therapist and providing medication to his peers. This movie is, quite simply, a phenomenon. It's main character is hilarious, quirky, layered and larger than life. Charlie Bartlett's actions will make you cry laughing, and for that you'll fall in love with him straight away. That's thanks in part to an amazing performance from Anton Yelchin (who you might recognise as the guy who played Checkov in the recent Star Trek remake) and a great role for Robert Downey Jr. as the alcoholic school principal gives the film real depth.

As well as being hilarious, it tackles teenage alienation, attempted suicide, incarcerated parents and alcoholism, but in a way that treats the audience as equals rather than young people who need to be educated on the dangers of sex and drugs. If you haven't seen it, go rent it this instant!

Great moment:
Charlie shows what a fearless performer he is at an audition for a school shakespeare production. (no clue how he did this with a straight face)

So there you have it!
Stay tunes for my Top 5 teen movies of the 90s, coming soon.

Top 5 explosions!

2009-11-09T15:21:00.002Z

This is the top 5 explosions in movies, or at least my favourite 5. If I have missed an amazing one out it's because either a) I forgot about it, or b) I prefer mine, but most likely a. Before we begin, spare a thought the white house blowing up in Independence Day, which was the first one I thought of, and the last one I decided against.

5) The Dark Knight - The joker blows up the hospital.

I like this one, cos it's big, it's really big. Plus, since they could only do it once Heath Ledger had to walk away from the building as it happens, and manages not to look back at the big bang. I'm also told the director went in to the film saying he wanted to blow more stuff up then any director had before.

4) Die Hard 2: Die Harder - The Airplane

The bad guys are escaping on the plane, but luckily the plane is leaking fuel onto the snow. So our hero swears, lights the fuel, and the fire rushes along the snow, up into the air and the plane goes boom. Simple, ridiculous, and great to watch, much like the Die Hard series.

3) Swordfish - Ball Bearing vest

Bad guy has taken a bunch of hostage, strapped C4 to them, as well as a whole heap of ball bearings, the cops are told if someone is taken out of the building the will blow that person up. Cops didn't listen, and what results is a slow motion explosion with ball bearings flying off ripping everything to shreds. It's awesome.

2) V for Vendetta - the houses of parliament

This explosion resulted David Davies MP criticise Tony Blair in parliament for allowing the film guys access to make a really accurate model of the houses. It took them 11 weeks to build, and then they blew it up. And boy did they blow it up, as each little blast goes in time with the 1812 Overture which is playing in the background.

1) Star Wars: A New Hope - The Death Star is destroyed.

I don't need to explain why this is here. Just watch it again.

Top 5 Superhero Movies

2009-11-05T00:40:00.008Z

This is the top five movies, starring superheroes. Simple enough, lets begin.

5. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

It's AWESOME! BODACIOUS! RADICAL! etc. etc. Its packed with funny, quotable dialogue ("I love being a Turtle"), has giant ninja turtles walking around with a pizza addiction and they fight a man who got dressed in a bunch of old coke cans. Everything about this movie says it should be overly stupid. But it isn't, it pushes the small line between funny and silly without ever crossing over and ruining the movie. I don't know why its not silly, but it isn't. Plus it has Ninjas, and not just the turtle variety.

Best use of superpowers: Michaelangelo throws a pizza into the air, and Leonardo slices it up using his ninja powers so that everyone's piece lands on the plate in front of them. Its not big or exciting, but it shows a use of powers beyond fighting evil, and I'm all for that.

4. Blade

Wesley Snipes plays a half-human half-vampire hybrid thing, who fights other vampires. Blade is an unrelenting onslaught of action and blood, through which excitement and anticipation build beautifully through the whole thing towards a great final battle. Some of the CGI may look dated, but if you forgive it that, Snipes' style and some awesome fights will keep you hooked.

Best use of superpowers: It opens in a night club with people dancing away, and then the sprinklers come on, pouring blood on all below. Oh no, it's a vampire club, but our hero Blade swings in and... you know what, just watch it.

3. Iron Man

Tony Stark builds a big powerful armour suitey type thing with weapons in it and then goes off to wage war against the bad guys, those both in the middle east and in america. Why Iron Man is great, is that it remembers superhero things are meant to be fun, so it works hard not to be overwhelmed by angst or guilt (Batman, I'm looking at you). Then again, you cast Robert Downey Jr and you seem to get fun.

Best use of superpowers: Iron man fires two missiles at some bad dude tanks, and turns and walks away as they explode. 2 points for effort, but several thousand for style.

2. Hellboy

Bright red monster, with a big stone hand and horns filed back into stubs, fights supernatural things in modern day america. It looks amazing, and the story is good. But the what puts this movie so nearly at the top spot for me is Hellboy himself come to life. A big grouchy, but somehow charming beast that just doesn't quite understand people but does enjoy cigars and chocolate bars. Hellboy II - The Golden Army is also very enjoyable.

Best use of superpowers: In order to figure out where they should go to find Rasputin, a skeleton is brought to life. Can't find a clip, and can't describe it better, but the skeleton is fairly unwilling and kind of funny. I did however find this video which I love.

That song could have been written for Hellboy.

1. X-Men 2

So here we are, my favourite Superhero movie, no Superman, Spiderman or Batman in sight. But it does contain a whole heap of superheros. It's the best because it feels the most like a comic, it balances many story lines and doesn't drop any, keeps the action and fun levels nice and high, and has a nice big ending, just like a comic would. The only downside is that cyclops is there, and has nothing to do for the whole film, he just stands around like a big lemon.

Best use of superpowers: Nightcrawler tries to assassinate the president by 'bamfing' (thats a technical term) around the white house really quickly and beating up the secret service.

Top Five most Traumatizing Children’s Movies

2009-11-03T09:00:00.002Z

Children's films are often some of the most timeless, imaginative and uplifting stories out there. But sometimes we didn't realise what we were being subjected to when the video covers were cute and cuddly, but the films inside were less so. Without further ado, in ascending order, here's my top 5 most traumatizing children's movies...

5. The Never ending story

Why it’s scary: The villain of the story is The Nothing, and The Nothing is exactly what it says on the tin. It’s nothing, it’s oblivion; their world is simply being deleted. Wrap your head around that one, kids! If you need something a bit more tangible to be frightened by, The Nothing has a wolf assassin called the G’mork who just happens to be the most petrifying animatronic creature ever made.

Particularly traumatic part:
Nothing has ever been quite as upsetting as the slow, horrible scene where Artax the horse sinks into the swamp of sadness...

Why doesn’t he just get out? Get out Artax! Oh God, get out!!!

4. Pinocchio

Why it’s scary: A puppet is brought to life that doesn’t know the difference between right and wrong? Give him an axe and you’ve got yourself a pretty good setup for a horror film. But instead he’s given a cricket dressed as Worzel Gummidge and a face that produces a nasal boner every time he tells a lie. He also does a head-swirl about 18 minutes into the film that probably inspired the exorcist. If you can get over the inherent creepiness of the main character, then his life is all the more upsetting. The kid has to share a bed with an old man, gets sold into slavery by a singing fox, partially turns into a donkey and then gets eaten by a whale.

Particularly traumatic part:
Pinocchio gets taken to pleasure isle, where he and hundreds of real boys are given beer and cigars and left to run riot. Soon, all of the boys turn into donkeys, including his friend Lampwick, whose protests are spine-chilling. The donkeys are loaded into crates and sold into slavery. Some can still speak and are thrown into the reject pen, all the while crying for their mothers. The government could show this scene for any anti-tobacco or anti-drinking campaign and it would probably be incredibly successful.

This section could have been more traumatizing, however. In the original novel, Pinocchio fully transforms, then his donkey flesh gets eaten off by fish, saving him from being skinned and made into a drum. Thanks for sparing us that one, Disney.

Also in the original novel, Jiminy cricket was killed by Pinocchio and it was his ghost that served as Pinocchio’s conscience. That's right, Jiminy cricket was a ghost, and Pinocchio was his killer!

3. The last unicorn

Why it’s scary:
First off, just look at the way the characters are drawn. Aside from the unicorn who doesn’t have ankles thick enough to support her body, everything in this movie looks creepy. The main villain looks like a dehydrated corpse,and even the good characters have that greyish coloured skin that makes them look slightly undead. The story itself is way more dark and mature than you'll ever see in a Disney film, and I won't spoil the ending but isn't very happy. It's one of those "the day is saved but the hero is emotionally scarred for life" type deals. Speaking of being emotionally scarrred for life...

Particularly traumatic part:
Early on in the film, the Unicorn gets captured by a witch named Mommy Fortuna. She escapes captivity by unleashing a harpy, who then eats the witch alive. Even worse, Mommy Fortuna welcomes the harpy with open arms, laughing maniacally at the fact she’s about to be picked apart.

(extra traumatizing points for the saggy breasts on the harpy)Then about five minutes later the unicorn’s friend Schmendrick the magician nearly gets smothered to death by the breasts of a tree that he accidentally brings to life. Really. It’s as traumatizing as it is funny.

2. Return to Oz

Why it’s scary: Probably the most scarring thing about this film is that it’s a sequel to one of the most beloved family movies of all time. How many children have been sat in front of this film expecting to see something as charming and heart-warming as its predecessor, the 1939 classic The Wizard of Oz? Instead there’s no singing, there’s no dancing, the Tin man and cowardly lion have both been turned to stone, the emerald city is in ruins and there’s a bunch of half-man/half-shopping-cart dudes trying to kill Dorothy.

Particularly traumatic part: Dorothy gets imprisoned by a witch called Mombi who has 31 interchangable heads. Eventually Dorothy finds herself sneaking past a sleeping Mombi to steal some magic powder, but she’s caught in the act and ends up being screamed at by a room full of bodiless heads and being chased by Mombi’s headless body. Say hello to a new recurring nightmare, kids.

And now the traumatizing champion...

1. Watership Down

Why it’s scary: It’s a 93 minute bunny bloodbath. These cute fellas get eaten by birds, chased by dogs, caught in snares, trapped underground by concrete and even ripped to shreds by other bunnies.

Particularly traumatic moment: If you manage to make it through all of that, you’re rewarded by being emotionally scarred by the final scene, where the main rabbit, Hazel, is quietly taken off into the bunny afterlife. Good luck sitting through that with dry eyes.

So there's my list!
Do comment and tell me what your own most traumatizing children's movies were!

I promise I'll pick a friendlier topic for next week's list.

John starts his epic voyage

2009-10-29T11:49:00.002Z

Hey blog reading folks, I'm John. Beth has already described the lovely, but empty, town we grew up in. She escaped to Canada, I escaped to Brighton. Three cinemas here, with many many screens, and more than one showing a day, which is so much better.

Whilst Beth holds a degree in Film and TV, and is doing a masters in Script Writing and therefore clearly knows what she's on about, I hold a degree in Mathematics, which had nothing even slightly to do with films in it. However, I watch a lot of movies, so I think that makes up for not having any official teaching. I also watch a lot of TV, play a bunch of video games.

Now, without further ado, my Top 5 movies, these are all movies that I once I finished I wanted to watch again straight away and slot into the dvd player regularly.

5. Before Sunrise

The relationship growing between the main two is the most believable I have seen. The movie is all about the dialogue, which is amazingly realistic and really sweet, and I love the ambiguous ending. The sequel is also excellent.

4. Almost Famous

Firstly, the music in the film is awesome. I like watching Williams innocence take hit after hit, as he quickly grows up through the experiences of the tour. The scene where Billy Crudup gets onto the bus having pissed off everyone there, and they get over the anger with a sing-a-long of Tiny Dancer is worth watching the movie for.

3. Serenity

Firefly Episode 15. Admittedly I loved the characters and the world from Firefly, and have enjoyed pretty much all of Whedons work, so the chances of me not loving it were slim to none. I thought the movie itself was funny, exciting, very quotable and had big spaceships going boom. Plus, it shouldn't exist, failed TV shows do not become big movies.

2. Reservoir Dogs

It's violent, bloody, and stylish. Tarantino has made many great movies, but none have ever been better than his first. The soundtrack fits the film perfectly, and is great to listen to on its own.

1. Blade Runner - The Final Cut

This choice I know Beth will disagree with, but I love me a dystopian future, and there is none so bleak as Blade Runner. The grimy, dark landscape is amazingly done, and the effects have barely aged a day. Its got some great lines, a gripping plot and a fascinating premise. Why the final cut? It flows better, and they cleaned up the effects a little, and made it look so great.

And thats my 5, What do you think?
I will say I had a lot of trouble limiting it to 5, The Matrix, Clerks, American Beauty, Alien, Pans Labyrinth and Die Hard all came close.

Introducing Beth

2009-10-29T01:38:00.011Z

Hi! So my name is Bethan Claire Price, but you can call me Beth. Along with my brother, I grew up in a small town in Wales called Aberystwyth where there wasn’t much to do at night other than visit our much loved one-screen cinema. Right now I’m living in Halifax, Nova Scotia in Canada so there’s not a lot of opportunity to chat with my brother about movies, which is sorta where this blog comes in.

I’m 24 years old. I’m an aspiring writer finishing up a masters degree in scriptwriting and I already have a degree in film studies. I play the drums, video blog, draw cartoons and I spend way too much time on the internet.

To kick things off, here’s my personal top 5 favourite movies:
1. Some Like it Hot

Song, dance, mass murder, a cross-dressing Tony Curtis... This film has everything! It's now 50 years old, I've probably seen it about 50 times and it's still funny and it still leaves me with a big smile on my face.

Favourite Quote:
Sugar: "Story of my life. I always get the fuzzy end of the lollipop."

Favourite Trivia:
A preview audience laughed so hard in the scene where Jack Lemmon announces his engagement that a lot of the dialogue was missed. It had to be re-shot with pauses added.

2. The Blues Brothers

It's hilarious, jam-packed with musical legends and undeniably cool (What's not to love about two characters who almost never take off their shades?). This is one of the most quotable movies in existence and if you like over-the-top car chases and great music then you can't beat it.

Favourite Quote:
Donald 'Duck' Dunn: "We had a band powerful enough to turn goat piss into gasoline."

Favourite Trivia:
During the filming of the opening scene, security guards of the prison fired shots at the helicopter filming the overhead shots, thinking that the helicopter was attempting to spy on the structure.

3. Spirited Away

Quriky, imaginative, heart-warming and beautiful. I'm a huge fan of Hayao Miyazaki, but, for me, Spirited Away is his greatest masterpiece. I love all of the crazy characters and the richness of the spirit world that Miyazaki creates.

Favourite Quote:
Aogaeru: "Welcome the rich man, he's hard for you to miss. His butt keeps getting bigger, so there's plenty there to kiss!"

Favourite Trivia:
The flexible lamp-post thing that jumps around and leads to Zeniba's house is a reference to Pixar's mascot, Luxo Jr. Miyazaki is a big fan of Pixar and wanted to show his admiration.

4. Léon: The professional (the director's cut)

It's got great action sequences, great characters and I can't remember any other film bringing me to tears quite as much as this one did the first time I watched it. I prefer the director's cut or "long version" as its sometimes known because I just think it has a lot more depth to it.

Favourite Quote:
Mathilda: "Can we try with real bullets now?"

Favourite Trivia:
During the filming involving all of the police cars on the street, a man ran from a store he had just robbed. When he encountered the movie set by accident, he saw all of the "police" and gave himself up to a bunch of uniformed extras.

5. Amélie

It's romantic, uplifting and funny but nothing like any romantic comedy you've ever seen. It's imaginative and adorable beyond belief. The soundtrack is really good too.

Favourite Quote:
Amélie: "It's better to help people than garden gnomes."

Favourite Trivia:
The traveling gnome was inspired by a rash of similar pranks played in England and France in the 1990s. In 1997, a French court convicted the leader of Front de Libération des Nains de Jardins (Garden Gnome Liberation Front) of stealing over 150 gnomes.

**********

So that's my top 5 favourite movies of all time. Feel free to comment with yours or to argue with me about my choices if you'd like.